He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
