Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
