M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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