I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
