Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My bed smells like the plague
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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