You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
