i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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