I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
