Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
