hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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