literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
