so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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