But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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