i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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