I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
