Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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