talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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