Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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