a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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