remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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