Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you will always have a special place in my vag
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
