we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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