He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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