girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
