You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
