he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
