i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
