Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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