My first STD was from a foam party
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
