Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
