she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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