That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
BRING THE BAGELS
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
