were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
