How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
