i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
