I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just pee around me
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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