Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
