Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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