corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
