Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
