if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
