You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
