Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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