The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
