I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
