12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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