On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
