Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
