I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
