Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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