After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
