Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
